Was Lost, Now Found
by jaa's mom
Summary: When tragedy rips apart Marty's world, who will pull her out of the darkness? OLTL 1997
1. Chapter 1

As Todd pressed harder on the gas pedal, his mind went over again the conversation between Dr. Wolek and a nurse he had heard earlier.

 _"She hasn't been to work in two weeks. Since...since it all_

 _happened." the nurse said. "Do you think she's coming back?"_

 _"I really don't know." Larry said sadly. "I've known Marty_

 _for years and she's always proved that she was a fighter._

 _After all the stuff she survived she must be one of the_

 _strongest people I know. But this? The doctor shook his head. "There's only so_

 _much a person can take. I am really concerned."_

"I didn't mean for it to happen that way!" Todd shouted and slammed his hands against the steering wheel.

When the Irish authorities extradited Patrick, Todd had been so happy that his plan to have the Irish police reopen the Whitening case had worked. When Patrick was arrested and found guilty of his involvement in the bombing Todd was ecstatic. His plan worked better than he could have dreamed. Patrick would be out of his life forever.

But that was when everything fell apart.

He was so sure that Patrick deserved everything he got. He even rationalized that he was doing Marty a favor by destroying Patrick. He had never been so wrong. Two weeks after Patrick was sent to

prison, an uprising took his life. When Todd heard the details of Patrick's death, he had no doubt that the

uprising was part of a conspiracy to murder Patrick Thornheart. Carved in Patrick's chest was the number 21.

Todd had sent Patrick to a prison where Patrick had originally sent the last members of the terrorists group the

men of 21.

Todd tried to shrug off the gnawing feeling that Patrick's death was his fault by saying he was glad Patrick was dead, and it was what he deserved. He almost convinced himself of that. But when he heard that Marty had been rushed to the hospital after she heard the news, the churning in Todd's stomach became more turbulent. Marty had had a miscarriage. In one day, she lost her husband and their unborn child, and

it was all Todd's fault.

"NO!" Todd slammed his fist down again. Todd pulled into Marty's driveway and threw open the car

door. When he was driving up, he saw a single light coming from the living room. Her car was there as well. However, when he rang repeatedly and pounded on her door, there was no answer.

Todd walked around the back and peered through the huge window the mill wheel was in front of. He scanned the room until his eyes feel on the table. A bottle of vodka, a half empty glass, and a bottle of pills were side by side on the table. Todd's heart began to slam against his chest when he looked toward the floor and saw feet sticking out from the side of the couch. He sprinted back to the front door and with a couple of

powerful kicks broke the door open.

"Marty?" Todd said once he was in the foyer. He saw her lying in a fetal position in the front of the couch. She didn't even twitch when he called her name. Todd knelt beside her and said her name again. She was lying on the floor in only a bathrobe. Her eyes were open and her cheeks were wet from tears. She was clutching something in her hand. Todd gently took the object from her. Marty gave no indication of protest. It was a picture of her and Patrick. When Todd touched the picture, he could almost feel the happiness radiating from their smiling faces.

"Marty, please you'll get sick if you stay on this cold floor." Todd said after he set the photo down.

Marty still made no move. Todd looked toward the table again. His heart began to race again with the realization that Marty may have already swallowed the lethal combination.

"Marty come on." Todd gathered the limp woman in his arms and lifted her up and sat her on the couch. "Marty, did you take any of those pills?" She remained silent, staring blankly through him. "Marty!" Todd shouted and shook her.

Marty blinked and looked around before looking at him again.

"Todd? What are you doing here?" She asked

"Never mind that. Did you take any of those pills?" Todd

said sternly.

At first Marty had no idea what he was talking about, but then her eyes went to the table and she remembered that was where she had left her little afternoon snack.

From the day Patrick had been arrested, everything seemed like it had become a dream. It was happening so fast and was all so unbelievable she had no doubt in her mind that she was going to wake up any second. All through the extradition and the trial, Marty kept telling herself that the law of averages wouldn't bestow this much tragedy on her so therefore everything would be alright. But she had been wrong. Patrick was found guilty and sentenced to 10 to 15 years in prison. Even after the verdict, Marty still believed that she would wake up from the nightmare.

A day before her world was shattered, Patrick had said his last words to her.

"Angel, everything will be alright. I will not let our child grow up without a father. I'm going to be set free." Patrick had said and she had believed him. Despite everything she believed him. The next morning it seemed as though Patrick words would come true. She spoke to the lawyer and he had given her a whole sleuth of grounds for an appeal. Marty had rushed to the prison completely wrapped in hope.

The hope was soon stripped away.

Two men, who to this day she can't remember what they looked like, took her into a room that probably resembled the cell in which Patrick stayed in and told her he was killed. She didn't hear them. She only heard herself say. "I want to see his body." From that point on she only remembered bits and pieces. She

remembered vaguely, uniformed men prying her away from the slab Patrick's body was on. She remembered the pain in her loins that caused her to collapse in the same room Patrick's body lay. She didn't remember the ambulance ride or the emergency room. She didn't remember the plane ride to Lanview hospital a day later. She did remember clutching her stomach and crying hysterically after Larry had told her she lost the baby.

Something inside Marty had snapped that day. It was like she was no longer apart of herself. People would come by and visit and she would see their faces and their mouths moving, but she didn't hear what they were saying. She sometimes felt her mouth move but had no idea what she was saying. When she was finally released from the hospital, she shut herself in her room for three days, and it wasn't until the fourth day that she found out she had been in her bed for three days. With each passing day, it became more and more of

a struggle to live. She had made up her mind when she woke up this morning that this would be the last time. She had a full bottle of prescription sleeping pills; given to her months before this all began. Taking the pills

with a bottle of vodka would certainly do the trick. She had set the pill bottle and vodka on the table, opened

the pill bottle, and then began pouring the vodka into a glass. Amid pouring she caught sight of the

picture on the piano of her and Patrick. Marty set the vodka down and went to the picture. She felt the tears spring up as she pressed the picture to her bosom. That was the last thing she remembered.

And now Todd, the man who had taught her the true meaning of pain, was in front of her. Marty knew she was completely broken because she couldn't even muster enough strength to hate him.

"No." Marty heard herself say. "I didn't take any." Marty saw the relief in Todd's face. But it was only fleeting before he spoke.

"You mean you didn't take any yet." Todd said. Marty didn't have to respond for Todd to know the answer. "Marty, come on you gotta know that this is not the way." Marty's eyes unfocused and she went back to staring through him. After noticing this, Todd tentatively knelt in front of her so that he was eye level and sighed.

"Who am I kidding?" Todd said softly. "With all that's happened to you this past month, death has to seem like the only option." Todd could feel his frustration building when Marty refused to acknowledge him even though he was right in front of her. He suddenly had the urge to shake her again but he knew that was the last thing this situation called for. He stood abruptly and began to pace. "Marty, you are a fighter and more important you're needed. There are so many people in this town who need and love you. What about

your patients? Those little kids at the hospital who count on you as their doctor to make them feel better. How could you even think about letting them down?" Todd stopped pacing and looked at Marty who stared back at him blankly. He knew that not one thing he said had gotten through to her. Todd knew a pep talk was not going to do the trick, especially not from him. It was time to come clean. He had to tell her the real reason that caused him to get into his car and drive to her house.

"Alright here it goes Marty. I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I didn't think. I was stupid alright. I was stupid and

selfish. I just saw Patrick as the physical form of all my problems since I came back from Ireland. And I didn't think that by doing all I could to make his life miserable, I would wreck yours in the process. And I know, I know that everything that happened is my fault." Todd choked down the lump in his throat before he looked at Marty again. Still she remained silent and expressionless.

"Marty, please would you say something. Tell me you hate me! Tell me to go to hell. Get up and pound my face in. Anything!" Todd shouted.

"Todd." Marty finally said calmly. "I can't hate you." She continued in a bland voice.

"What?" Todd said completely confused.

"I can't hate you because I have nothing inside me to give. I am empty. You want my forgiveness. You want my rage. I'm sorry I can't give it to you because I have nothing left inside of me. You tried to destroy me years ago but you failed, this time you've won. So don't feel the need to stop me from killing myself. I'm only killing my body. You have already killed all the me that was left in this body." Marty finished in the same bland tone.

If her voice wasn't enough to convince him, Todd could look in her eyes and see that there was indeed nothing in them. There was no emotion. It was like she was a zombie. I did this to her. Todd said to himself. Even during and after he and his fraternity brothers raped her, the fear and hurt in her eyes was better than the emptiness that gazed at him now. The empty look she gave him now was far worse than any looks that could kill she had given him in the past. How could he have done this? He had single handedly destroyed this woman's life. Was that his goal all along? On some subconscious level, did part of himself still hate her and was enjoying the damage he inflicted on her? He didn't think so. The nauseous smell of guilt had made his stomach queasy and caused a throbbing headache. He couldn't bear to look at her anymore.

"I won't." Todd's voice cracked. "I won't you let you kill yourself." Todd continued before he walked away and then proceeded to empty out every bottle of alcohol she had and then followed that by removing every bottle of pills she possessed.

Marty was in the same position when he returned and had said or done nothing to stop him throughout the whole detoxicating process. Todd picked up her phone and called Andrew.

Andrew was surprised to hear Todd's voice on the other line. He felt his body tense when Todd told him he was over Marty's house.

"Please, Andrew you gotta come over here. I didn't know who else to call. She's in real bad shape. She tried...she tried to kill herself."

"Oh my God."

"I stopped her, but I know the moment she' s alone she'll do it again."

"I'll be right over.' Andrew said without hesitation.

Andrew made it to Marty's house in five minutes. Todd answered the door on the first ring.

"She's on the couch in the living room." Todd said softly

"What did she try to kill herself with?"

Todd explained all that happened when he came to her house. He left out the details of the conversation, however.

"Marty." Andrew said softly when they walked into the living room.

"Hi, Andrew." Marty said plainly. Andrew sat down next to her and took one of her hands into his.

"How are you feeling?" he said.

"I'm fine." Marty said and continued to stare straight ahead. Andrew looked up at Todd and noticed for the first time the anguish on the man's face. Andrew recognized the guilt Todd's features displayed. "Todd, we're alright. Why don't you go on home." Todd started to say something, but then turned and left.

"Todd, didn't hurt you, did he?" Andrew asked. It was a question that always popped out when he would find out that the two had been alone together.

"Just now, no. It wouldn't matter if he did. I told him there was nothing else he could do to me that could possible make anything any worse."

"Marty, Todd told me you tried to kill yourself." Andrew said. "Marty," He continued when she didn't respond. "You have suffered a colossal amount of loss even before Patrick and your baby and you probably believed that because of all you went through in the past, you were given your fair share and your time for happiness had finally come. And I can't blame you. I absolutely cannot blame you for not wanting to live in a world that once again took away the two most important people in your life-your husband and child-But

Marty there's a reason." Andrew lifted Marty's head up by the chin when she dropped it down. "There's a reason." Andrew said again firmer "God does not give us more than we can handle. The fact that you still have your sanity proves that."

Marty started to laugh and Andrew stared at her in surprise.

"My sanity. All the things and people that have been taken away from me. After everything that I've lost, my mind is the one thing that has stayed with me." Marty continued to laugh. Andrew soon found himself chuckling. Finally, Marty's laughter stopped and was replaced by a wrath of tears. Andrew opened his arms and she fell into them.

"Go ahead. Just let it all out." he cooed as he stroked her hair.

"Andrew, I know you have your faith to believe in." Marty

began after she composed herself. "But I don't even have that. I'm not saying that I blame God for all that's

happened or that I don't believe there is a reason. It's just that I don't care. There is absolutely nothing I care

about anymore. How can I expect myself to live when I already feel completely dead inside? I don't expect you to understand."

"I do understand a little bit about what you're feeling." Andrew said.

"You? Andrew, when have you ever felt dead inside? You've always been so full of life."

"When Cassie left me." Andrew said seriously. "When Cassie left me, I really began to have doubts in my faith. It was as if I didn't feel God's love anymore. I thought our life was perfect or at least in good shape. I never dreamed some guy, especially somebody like Kevin Buchanan could come alone and steal her away. I really felt empty. I even thought about given up being a minister. I didn't know how I was going to pass on the words of God whose love I couldn't feel anymore.

Marty was in awe at the change that befell Andrew when he talked about his feelings about the divorce from Cassie. She had never seen him like this before.

"And now?" Marty asked.

"What?" Andrew said.

"Now do you feel God's love again?" Marty asked. Andrew's eyes betrayed him and Marty caught it. "Yes of course I do now." Andrew said quickly and looked away. "Look, let's make a deal. If I show you there are reasons to live, you won't kill yourself and if you show me there are reasons to

believe, I won't give up being a priest." Andrew said.

"You mind as well take off your white collar now if you expect me to give you back your faith." Marty said and almost smiled.

"Come on." Andrew said and got up.

"Where are we going?" Marty asked.

"I know you haven't eaten. Let's go make dinner." Marty knew protest would be futile so she rose and followed Andrew. If she couldn't kill herself today, she had to keep herself busy to get through the rest of the day. When Marty realized she was still in a bathrobe, she excused herself to go shower and change before starting dinner.

"Don't worry." She added when she saw the concerned expression in Andrew's eyes she knew had been the result of her going off alone.

When Marty finished blow drying her hair, she stared at herself in the mirror. At least the way she felt inside didn't show up on the outside. When she came into the kitchen, Andrew noticed that too. Her sanity and her looks. Andrew thought to himself and then smiled remembered the way they had laughed before about that being all she still had.

The mundane conversation the two had while preparing dinner lasted all the way through dinner as well. While Marty was clearing the dinner table, Andrew phoned the rectory. Marty had finished loading the dishwasher when Andrew hung up the phone.

"What's wrong?" Marty asked.

"Oh nothing, Kim just told me River was invited to spend the

night at his friend Jamal's house." Andrew saw Marty's concern at his dejected tone and continued. "It's just that I hate it when the house is so empty."

"I understand." Marty said and then looked around.

"I guess I should be getting home." Andrew said reluctantly.

"I have a better idea. I have a Sara lee apple pie and a gallon of vanilla ice cream in my freezer. What do you say we have dessert in front of the tv?"

"Sounds...great." Andrew said and smiled. For the first time Marty gave a genuine smile back. She saw how sad Andrew was at the thought of going home without River...or Cassie and the idea of helping him with his sadness made her briefly forget about her own.

With only the light from the television, the two sat on the couch eating warm pie and ice-cream. The movie they were watching was interesting enough to keep them from musing about their own griefs or forcing them to engage in trite chatter. By the movie's end, the empty dishes were on the table and

the two were seated comfortably on the couch. When the credits scrolled across the screen, Andrew looked at his watch.

"Whoa it's late." Andrew said. Marty looked towards the clock and nodded in agreement. "I guess I better get along." Andrew said and Marty shrugged. She then clicked on the small lamp by the sofa while Andrew fumbled around with his shoes. The lamp light offered no more brightness than the tv had.

Once Andrew's shoes were on he sat back on the sofa and turned toward Marty.

"Well thanks for dinner." He said.

"Andrew, you know you don't have to thank me and that you're welcome anytime." The two stared at each other for a while. Andrew knew how late it was, but he just couldn't bring himself to leave. The house was so comfortable, but it was more than that. It was being here with Marty in this house. It was the first time in months he felt totally relaxed and at ease. Marty sensed Andrew's reluctance to go and knew she didn't

want him to leave either. While he was here, she wasn't alone to think of everything that had happened.

Finally, Andrew stood up.

"Andrew" Marty said a little to urgently. She then stood up as well. "Thanks for being here." She said softer and then hugged him. She realized how tightly she was hugging him and then later realized he was hugging her back just as tightly. When she finally pulled away she kept her hands on his shoulders and his hands stayed around her waist. There were tears in her eyes.

"Marty?" Andrew said and touched her face.

"I'm sorry..it's just that..nothing. I'm sorry." Marty said.

"I understand." Andrew said softly. Marty looked into Andrew eyes and saw that he really did. This was the one thing Marty realized she needed. No pity, no kind words for a better tomorrow, she needed what she saw in Andrew's eyes-empathy. Andrew gently stroked her face. Before he knew what he was

doing, his lips were drawing closer to hers. A moment later they reached their destination. The kiss, gentle at first, soon became swept with passion. His tongue found his way into her mouth and hers into his. He

pulled her closer as her arms wrapped themselves around his neck.

"I'm sorry Marty." Andrew said after he suddenly pulled away. "I don't know what came over me."

"You don't have to apologize." Marty said breathlessly.

"Yes, I do. You're just so beautiful and my time here alone with you has been the best time I've had in a long time. I had no right to take advantage, please forgive-"

"Would you just shut up and kiss me again." Marty said. He obeyed. This time the kiss was longer and more passionate. "This is wrong." Andrew said when he came up for air. "Marty,

you're vulnerable right now, and it would be selfish of me to take advantage." Andrew said as he traced his fingers along her face and neck. "I should go." Andrew whispered and gently kissed her forehead.

"Andrew, please don't. I don't want to be alone tonight." Marty kissed him again. "Let's just stick in this moment. I want to forget everything that's happened the last couple of days. Please, Andrew, make me forget."

Andrew looked at Marty. He knew he couldn't deny the heat between them. He pulled her to him and kissed her again. He then lifted Marty's blouse over her head and tossed it aside. She rapidly unhooked his shirt buttons and slid it off his shoulders. He ran his fingers through her hair as she kissed his neck and chest. When their lips found each other again, Andrew gathered Marty into his arms and picked her up. Still kissing, he carried her towards the couch.

The two made love with all the ardor and passion of two people desperately clinging to each other as a way to forget the pain of the past. By selfishly taking from one another, they wound up giving themselves more completely. Afterwards, they lay on the couch with only their naked, glistening bodies as each other's blankets.

"What just happened?" Andrew said as he threaded his fingers through Marty's hair and she toyed with his chest hair.

"I don't know." She replied and the two chuckled. A few minutes later, Marty untangled herself from Andrew's grasp and got up. She put on his shirt and buttoned it in silence while he slid on his boxers.

"Could you stay the night?" Marty finally asked.

"Sure." he said when he saw the pleading in her eyes. Besides, the last thing he wanted to do was go home to a cold bed.

Once upstairs in her bedroom, their passions took control again. Afterwards they both settled for the first time into a deep and comfortable sleep. When Marty awoke the next morning, she found the side where

Andrew had slept empty except for a note.

 _Marty._

 _You looked so peaceful so I decided not to bother you. I had_

 _to go home to be there for River, but I will call you later._

 _Andrew._

Suddenly the words became blurry and some of them smeared. Marty realized she was crying. She wasn't quite sure why. Was it guilt over what had happened last night? Did she feel she had betrayed?

Patrick's memory? She didn't think so. She had come so close to killing herself yesterday, she desperately needed something to make her feel part of the world again and alive. If Andrew hadn't been there, she knew she wouldn't have been around to see this morning. Then why was she crying? Because last night was over and with this new day came the emptiness again. Marty clutched her pillow and sank back into the bed as her body wracked from sobbing. Marty was still in bed when the phone rang an hour later.

"Andrew." Marty said and found herself smiling.

"How are you doing?" Andrew asked

"Fine. I'm fine. You." Marty said

"I'm alright. Look, Marty, we really need to talk, but not over the phone."

"I know." Marty said sadly

"I'm going to be pretty busy all day. Do you think you can come over this evening?"

"Sure." Marty answered a little too quickly. "I'll see you tonight." She added.

"Alright. I gotta go." Andrew said.

"Goodbye." Marty said and didn't hang up until she heard the dial tone.

Marty found herself looking forward to seeing Andrew tonight. She knew he probably only wanted to talk to her about how wrong last night was, but that was okay. Last night was a problem, a problem she could handle. No not a problem-a distraction. Marty welcomed the distraction. But then she realized she wouldn't see him until tonight. If she wandered around this house all day, this house filled with memories of her and Patrick, she wouldn't make it to tonight. She had to keep herself busy. She liked the idea of this thing with Andrew-whatever it was-being a distraction. She needed more distractions. She finally reasoned that the best place to

find distractions was at the hospital. Marty got out of bed and got ready for work. Before the elevator door opened, Marty mentally prepared herself for the oncoming rush of condolences and sympathetic looks. Sure enough as soon as she got off the elevator, the nurses from the nursing station crowed around her. Marty

didn't really pay attention to their words. She only nodded, offered her cheek for a peck, and gave

brief hugs. The only time she felt tears spring up was when Larry Wolek hugged her.

Luckily because of the long absence, she had mostly paper work to do instead of having to see any of the young faces of her patients. Before she knew it, her shift was over.

"Can I help you?" the elderly woman who answered Andrew's door asked.

"Hi. I'm here to see Reverend Carpenter." Marty replied.

"Oh, you must be Mrs. Thornheart. Please come in."

Marty fought back tears at the mention of her married name.

"Rev. Carpenter told me to tell you that he'll be a little late, but to make yourself comfortable. Can I get you anything?"

"No thank you. I'll just go sit in the living room."

The old woman nodded and walked away.

"Hey River." Marty said when she walked into the living room and saw the boy sitting hunched over something on the floor. When the boy looked up, she could tell he had been crying.

"Sweetie, what's the matter? Marty said and walked over and knelt beside him.

"His arm got caught in the door. I didn't mean to pull so hard." River sobbed.

Marty looked down and saw the teddy bear with its arm nearly amputated.

"Mommy gave me this." The boy said and a new tear slid out.

Marty put her middle and pointer fingers together and them pressed it against teddy bear's neck.

"It's okay River. I can still feel a pulse." River gave Marty a confused look. "Here do this." She said as she held up her fingers. "Now put it to your neck, right here. You feel that." River nodded. "That's your pulse and as long as you feel that, it means you're alive. Since-what's his name?

"Bloomer." River said becoming more animated.

"Since bloomer still has a pulse, I think we can save him. It's weak so we have to work fast. Go ask Mrs. Howard for a first aid kit and a sewing kit." River quickly got up and ran out of the room. Ten minutes later he returned.

"Now don't worry River, I'm a doctor. Bloomer will be fine." Marty had retrieved her stethoscope from her bag while River was getting the supplies. River was totally captivated as Marty pretending to check

the doll's heart beat and blood pressure and pulse. He was even more fascinated as she stitched together the arm and the body with the sewing materials.

"Now we'll bandage it." Marty said and then instructed River on where to hold the gauze and tape.

"Bloomer should be as good as new in no time." Marty said triumphantly.

River picked up the teddy and hugged him tightly. "Thank you, Marty." he said excitedly. "Daddy!" he said a moment late and ran to Andrew. Marty quickly turned around and saw Andrew standing in the

doorway.

"Marty's a doctor and she saved Bloomer. Look at the bandage we put on."

"That's great Riv. Hello Marty." Andrew said and Marty stood up. Their eyes locked and it wasn't until River spoke that the silence was broken.

"I smell pizza." River yelled.

"Sure is." Andrew looked down and remembered the boy was in the room. "I picked it up on the way home."

"Oh boy, can Marty stay for dinner?" River asked.

"Sure. Marty would you stay?" Andrew said.

"Pleeeeze." River begged.

"Yeah, please." Andrew mocked.

"Sure." Marty said.

Totally unaware of the tension encompassing the dinner table, River controlled most of the conversation. Most of River's chatter was directed at Marty so she hardly turned away from the boy. When she did occasional glance up, she found that Andrew's eyes were always fixed on her. Finally, River excused himself to watch his favorite evening program and the two were left alone.

"He's a wonderful boy." Marty said to break the silence

"He really is. I don't know what I would do without him. You were great with him earlier. I mean with the teddy bear, I was watching you...both of you, from the doorway for a while."

Marty smiled. "I'll help you clean up." She said and started to get up.

"Marty wait. You know what we're doing don't you." Marty said nothing. "We're avoiding the subject. We're beating around the bush."

"I know Andrew. But what do you want me to say? I don't know what happened last night. I can't explain it. Can you?"

"Marty-."

"Daddy!" River called from inside.

"Maybe I should come back another time."

"No please, stay. I'll be putting him to bed soon and then we'll be able to talk."

An hour later, Andrew closed the book he had been reading to River, kissed the child's forehead, and turned off the light. Marty was on the bottom of the stairs waiting for him. She had cleaned the kitchen while he gave River his bath and put him to bed.

"He's sleeping." Andrew said when he got to the bottom step.

"You look like you can use some yourself." Marty said.

"Daddy!" River screamed. "Daddy, Daddy!"

Andrew and Marty ran up the stairs. Andrew rushed over to the boy's bed and turned on the light.

"Daddy." River sobbed. "I had a bad dream." Andrew sat on his bed and hugged River. "I dreamed you left me and I had to live in this house all by myself."

"I'll never leave you River." Andrew said and rubbed the boy's head.

"Because you love me." River asked.

"Yes."

"Mommy left me. She doesn't love me."

"River no. Your mommy loves you very much."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, very sure."

River yawned and his eyes began to flutter.

Marty stood in the doorway, taking in the entire scene. Her heart was breaking at the sight of a father and child. A few minutes later, River was asleep again.

"Is he alright?" Marty whispered.

"He'll be fine." Andrew said and led her away from River's doorway.

"He still hasn't gotten over Cassie's leaving huh?" Marty asked.

"No, we haven't." Andrew said sounding defeated.

"I should go. We can talk another time." Marty began to walk away.

"Marty wait." Andrew said. When she turned around, Andrew pulled her to him

and kissed her. "Don't go." He said next.

"Okay." Marty said simply and the two soon found themselves in Andrew's bedroom.


	2. Chapter 2

Andrew and Marty never did have that conversation that listed the reasons why what they did was wrong. The comfort they found in each other through lovemaking was too great, too necessary. They silently decided not to deny their needs and ignore the passion between them. But they did openly decide to be discreet. Marty never stayed over Andrew's, for he worried how that would affect River. But she was over there enough for River to become quite attached to her.

Marty was working at the hospital one day when she ran into Cassie.

"Marty, hi. How are you?"

"I'm fine. What brings you here? You're not sick are you." Marty said looking concerned.

"No not at all. Andrew asked me to meet him here to drop off River instead of me going over to pick him up at the rectory."

Marty slowly nodded.

Cassie then took Marty's hand and gave her a serious look. "Marty, how are you really?"

"Cassie. Thanks for your concern. But I'm fine. Really. For a while it was really rough just to even get up in the morning, but things are getting better. It still hurts, but I'm trying my best to deal with it."

"You seem fine." Cassie said once the two sat down.

"I am. How are you and Kevin?" Marty asked.

"Wonderful. Things are great between us. Couldn't be better."

"Mommy." River said and rushed toward her.

"Hi, honey. Where's your father?" Cassie asked once the boy was in her arms.

"He's talking to that lady over there." River said and pointed toward the nurse's station.

"Hi Marty." River said excitedly when he saw her sitting next to Cassie.

"Hey Riv. How are you today?" Marty asked.

"Fine." he said shyly

"What do you say we get going." Cassie said to River and then got up. "I'll see you later, Marty." she added.

"Bye Marty." River said and then hugged her.

Cassie couldn't help the perplexed look that emerged on her face at the sight of her son's affection towards Marty."

"Bye daddy." River called when he and Cassie walked passed the nurses station.

After Andrew said good-bye, he glanced over to Marty who was still seated. Their eyes met in a look that said, "River's staying with his mother tonight so you place or mine."

A couple of days later Marty was having dinner with Andrew and River. The comradery between the three seemed so natural and comfortable it was hard to believe that just a few weeks ago they sat at that same table under a cloud of tension. After dinner Marty and River had gone into the living room to watch tv while Andrew took a phone call in his office.

The call had only lasted fifteen minutes but when he went to join Marty and River in the living room, he found the place deserted. When Andrew turned to leave, he heard a whooshing sound and then felt something gently hit his back. However, after he turned around the place was still deserted. He looked down and saw a single yellow nerf ball on the floor. When he bent over to pick it up, four others were projected his way. He then saw that the objects were coming from behind the couch.

As he was about to go and investigate, Marty and River sprang from behind the couch both armed with nerf guns and firing them incessantly at him. Andrew grabbed a pillow for a shield as he decided who to go after first. Marty was closes so with a quick move he disarmed her.

"Boy's against girls." he yelled.

"No." Marty screamed and began to run in an effort to avoid the missiles as River turned on her and began to fire with Andrew.

Cassie opened the front door and immediately heard the laughter and shrieks of delight coming from the living room.

"Tickle her daddy." Cassie heard.

"Yeah." Andrew's voice responded.

"Don't you dare." a woman said.

Cassie stood outside the door for a while trying to decipher the different voices-mainly the woman's voice. When she finally pushed open the door she saw she had guessed right.

Pillows were all over the place along with little nerf balls. And in the middle of the floor, Andrew was tickling a hysterical Marty while River climbed over his back.

"Hello." Cassie finally said.

The three looked up, the smiles still frozen on their faces.

"Mommy!" River said once again breaking the silence as he ran to Cassie

"Hi Cass." Marty said and stood up.

"What are you doing her, Cassie? Andrew said and stood up as well.

"I didn't mean to interrupt. I just came by to discuss the visitation schedule for next week. They're might be a few problems." Cassie said the surprise of what she had seen still evident in her voice.

"Hey River, why don't we go get a snack." Marty said.

"Cookies, yah." River sang and clambered out of Cassie's arms.

"We were just-." Andrew started after Marty n River left.

"You don't have to explain anything to me. What you do in your house is your business. You made that clear a long time ago." Cassie said.

"Right. Now the schedule. What sort of problems?"

When the volume in the study increased, Marty quickly took River upstairs and distracted him with video games and singing silly songs while she gave him his bath. Things had quieted down by the time she tucked him in.

River tried to stay up throughout his story so he could say goodnight to his daddy, but sleep won out.

Andrew was sitting on the couch downstairs staring intently at nothing when Marty entered the living room.

"Andrew?" Marty said.

"where's river?" Andrew asked in a distant voice.

"He's sleeping." Marty said walking toward him. "What happened with Cassie." She asked once she stood in front of him.

"I should go and check on him." Andrew said.

"he's fine Andrew." Marty said sternly. "I took care of everything."

"I know you did. I'm sorry." Andrew said finally looking up at her. "It's just that Cassie...I just get so frustrated sometimes."

"What happened?" Marty asked again.

"We agreed to a specific visitation schedule. Now little modifications every now and then I don't mind. But Cassie comes in here and tells me she's going away for a few days on assignment. That would have been fine. But then she says she wants to take River so she won't miss spending time with him. Just like that she wants to take River away from school, home, his friends so she won't miss her time with him. I told her there's no way I'm going to let River stay at some hotel while she did whatever it is reporters do on assignment. But of course she said I'm being selfish and deliberately trying to keep her and River apart." Andrew said, his anger and frustration rising with each word.

"Hey hey hey. It's okay." Marty said soothingly. "You can't stress yourself out like this. You're so tense." Marty added and began to rub Andrew's back and shoulders. "I understand that you don't want to uproot River, but you also have to understand how valuable Cassie feels her time with him is. That's why she asked and got so offended when you turned her down. I'm sure deep down she realizes it's not feasible to take River out of town on a work-related week. I think she's more afraid that if she didn't ask you would think she was choosing work over the time she spends with River by going away."

Andrew removed Marty's hand from his shoulder and kissed it.

"Thank you." He said. Marty smiled. Andrew then gently pulled her down on his lap. "I'm so glad I have you in my life."

Marty wrapped her arms around his neck and then ran her fingers through his hair and down the side of his face.

"Me too."

A week later, Marty stared down at the steaming cup of tea at the table at Rodi's Tavern. She wished she had something a lot stronger to drink.

Ten minutes ago, she had run out of her house and into her car in a desperate attempt to drive away from the memories the house held. Memories of her, Patrick, and all their dreams for the future.

The past week she had been working double and if she could triple overtime at the hospital in an effort to stay busy. Today was her first day off. A day off she didn't want, but was insisted to take by Larry.

She thought she could handle being in the house alone, but before long she was sitting at the piano and before she knew it, her fingers began to play that enchanting melody she first played in Innis crag. Tears streaming down her face, Marty jumped up from the piano, grabbed her coat, and ran out the front door. She ended up at Rodi's.

Cassie and Kevin were laughing when they entered Rodis and sat at the bar. Kevin noticed Marty first and his smile vanished.

"Marty looks upset." Kevin said still staring at her. Cassie turned toward Marty.

"Yeah." Cassie said uninterestedly.

"Yeah." Kevin mocked. "After all she's been through, you could add a little compassion to your tone."

"I'm sorry Kevin. Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you about Marty...and Andrew."

"Marty and Andrew?" Kevin said. "Well speak of the devil." He added when Andrew walked into Rodi's

Andrew had just come from dropping River off at the community center and decided to stop at Rodi's for lunch. His eyes immediately found Marty sitting alone at one of the tables. He knew right away something was wrong.

"Look who he goes to right away." Cassie commented when Andrew sat down at Marty's table.

"Cass, come on. What is this? Marty looks upset, Andrew's her minister, they've always been friends. Of course he noticed and is probably going over to offer support. You don't think there's something going on between them again do you. "

"I don't know. It just seems like I always see them together lately."

"Like I said, she's been through a rough time. He's offering support."

"No Kevin. When I see them, it's not a minister-parishioner type relationship. One time I went over to the rectory and Andrew, Marty, and river were all playing some type of game with River's nerf guns. That's another thing. All of a sudden River and Marty are like best friends. He talks about her a lot. He runs to her and hugs her if we see her around. River is not affectionate like that with people he doesn't know that well. That must mean that Marty spends a lot of time at the rectory and with Andrew."

"I know it's silly." Marty said

"Marty, it is not silly. It's normal for the house to fill you with sadness because of all the memories you had there with Patrick." Andrew said.

Marty nodded and dabbed her tears with a napkin

"I know what you need." Andrew said with confidence. "Be right back." Marty followed Andrew's movements with curiosity as he jumped up and walked over to the jute box. A moment later he held out his had as the machine cranked out "Fantasy" by Mariah Carey. "Let's dance."

"Andrew." Marty whined.

"Come on. Get up." Andrew said as he began to pull Marty to her feet.

Reluctantly Marty followed Andrew and the two joined the other couples on the dance floor jamming to the beat.

"See. She's upset and he's just trying to cheer her up." Kevin said as he watched Andrew enthusiastically spin and twirl Marty around until she couldn't help but smile and then laugh. "And it's working."

"Hmm." Cassie said unconvinced.

Kevin soon turned away from Marty and Andrew convinced that Cassie was overreacting to their friendship. However, when the music turned slower and Kevin glanced back at the duo, he thought he felt a palpable heat radiating off the two as they pressed their bodies together and slowly swayed to the music. He didn't stare at them long because the two suddenly rushed off the dance floor and out the door. Kevin tried to tell himself that he imagined the passion that was in their eyes as they quickly exited.

Marty screamed and ran out of the kitchen. Andrew soon followed still hurling grapes at her. She then ran around the couch, but Andrew ran the other way and grabbed her just as she tried to run toward the steps.

The two then lost their balance and fell on the couch. Both laughing hysterically.

"I feel very vulnerable in this position, Mr. Carpenter." Marty said sardonically. When they fell, Andrew ended up on top of Marty.

"Is that so?" Andrew said. He then removed a grape from the bunch and popped it into Marty's mouth. Soon as she swallowed Andrew kissed her fervently.

"You're so beautiful." he said.

"I know." Marty replied

"What do you mean, 'you know." Andrew said and began tickling her.

The two rolled off the couch, but this time Marty was on top. Marty swept her hair out of her face and then kissed Andrew. The grapes and their clothes were soon discarded as the two let passion envelop them.

Both Marty and Andrew couldn't describe what was happening between them. They had known each other a long time and throughout the time they had been friends. They never had any trouble being comfortable with each other. Marty and Andrew always found it easy to communicate. Years ago, Marty thought she had a grasp on her feeling for Andrew. He was a friend, a very good friend. Andrew too thought he knew the definition of his relationship. Sure, he was attracted to her, but mostly he cared and had a deep respect for her as a friend. He too realized he never thought they could be anything more. But when they became intimate it seemed so natural, so right. It was like the next logical part of their friendship. They're ability to communicate didn't change like they thought it would after the first night. They still felt perfectly comfortable around each other. Now they had something extra in their friendship. It started off as a means of comfort but neither knew where it was leading.

From the community center, Cassie was picking up River and not bringing him home until that night. So when Marty and Andrew had finished making love on her living room floor, Andrew suggested they take a nice, hot bubble bath and then make dinner.

Andrew was upstairs setting the tub and Marty had just finished tidying up the living room when the doorbell rang.

"Oh Marty, I'm sorry. You look like you're just about to relax." Maggie said when Marty answered the door in her bathrobe.

"Hi Maggie. No, I was just cleaning up." Marty said and looked toward the living room

"I just got back from-Can I come in."

"Sure." Marty said nervously realizing she didn't step out of the way to let Maggie in.

"Is this a bad time?" Maggie asked

"Uh no. I'm sorry, Come in. Come in." Marty said finally moving.

"I just came back from Maryland. Me and Ian were visiting our mother's house. I wanted to stop by and see how you were since I haven't seen you since the funeral."

"Thank you, Maggie." Marty said sincerely and hugged her.

"you look well. You really do. I have to be honest, I wasn't sure you were going to be okay. When I saw you at the funeral-"

"BATH'S READY! Andrew chimed from upstairs.

Marty dropped her head into her hand then looked up and smiled at a shocked Maggie.

"No wonder you look so well. Was that my cousin's voice I heard?" Maggie said with an incredulous smile. "I don't want to keep you any longer. I'm gonna go. You get back to whatever it was you were doing. See ya." Maggie's said and then turned and walked toward the door doing her best not to laugh. Just before she opened it, she turned around. "Tell Andrew I said "hi". Maggie turned and left unable to keep the laughter in any longer.

One week later, Maggie sat in Andrew's living room anxiously waiting for him to finish consoling one of his parishioners. She couldn't wait to get the low down on what she had seen a week ago over Marty's.

"So how ya been?" Andrew asked simply when he sat next to Maggie fifteen minutes later.

"how have you been?" Maggie said with a huge grin.

"Alright why the smile?"

"Andrew." Maggie said in an impatient voice and hit Andrew in the shoulder. "Come on. Tell me, what's going on with you and Marty.

Andrew smiled and looked down.

"Wow, you're really happy aren't you. I haven't seen you this way in I don't know how long."

"look, the last thing me and Marty expected was for us to..."

"Yeah." Maggie said, her grin deepening

"I don't know. She was grieving from all that happened to her and I was still upset about Cassie. We were both just in desperate need for comfort and we found it in each other. Ever since we...got together, the hurt that I was feeling has been evaporating. I enjoy being with her."

"I bet." Maggie said with a raised eyebrow.

"No, it's not just that. We have fun together doing ordinary things. She's great with River. He really likes her too."

"Andrew, do you love Marty?" Maggie asked suddenly.

Andrew pondered the question for a while.

"I don't know. I've always cared about her. I know that when I'm with her I don't hurt. For instance, she's been away at a conference for a week and I miss her. I really do. I don't know." Andrew added and shrugged.

"Yeah. Well you should see yourself when you talk about her. You just light up. I'm happy for you. I mean Marty, she's a wonderful person and if you two are finding happiness with each other, then knock yourselves out."

Maggie and Andrew hugged.

"I'm gonna go say hi to river. He's upstairs right."

The doorbell rang five minutes after Maggie went upstairs to River's room."

"Marty, you're back." Andrew said when he opened the door.

"Miss me." Marty said.

"Did I miss you? Let's see. Come here." Andrew said and pulled her to him. The two shared a long and passionate kiss.

"Uh hm." Maggie cleared her throat

The two looked up and saw her standing on the stairs.

"Marty!" River yelled and ran past Maggie down the stairs and into Marty's arms.


End file.
